Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Pinky
Teacher: Is it becuase you are wearing pink color?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Logical Jokes?
Few logical jokes here. Find out if you can find an answer for them!!!
You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate!! What a revelation????
You can expect a bus in the bus stand but not a full from a full stop. (Full should be treated as a full glass of liquor)
You can be a billionair, but to catch a train you have to come to a platform. (In India, we call a person who is in good position in the society and if he has not been doing good now, we say, he has come to the platform).
You can have AIRTEL, AIRCEL or BSNL connection, but when you sneez, you have to say "HUTCH" (Airtel, Aircel, BSNL, Hutch now Vodofone are telecome service providers)
You can bcome an engineer if you study in an engineering college. But, you cannot bcom a president if you study in Presidency College. (Chennai, India has a Presidency College)
You can find keys in Keyboard but you cannot find mother in motherboard!!!
You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate!! What a revelation????
You can expect a bus in the bus stand but not a full from a full stop. (Full should be treated as a full glass of liquor)
You can be a billionair, but to catch a train you have to come to a platform. (In India, we call a person who is in good position in the society and if he has not been doing good now, we say, he has come to the platform).
You can have AIRTEL, AIRCEL or BSNL connection, but when you sneez, you have to say "HUTCH" (Airtel, Aircel, BSNL, Hutch now Vodofone are telecome service providers)
You can bcome an engineer if you study in an engineering college. But, you cannot bcom a president if you study in Presidency College. (Chennai, India has a Presidency College)
You can find keys in Keyboard but you cannot find mother in motherboard!!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
New Sardarji Jokes
Santa decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Santaji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardu was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the assistant captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the sardarji. Captain told: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: "Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rajiv: Santaji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardu was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the assistant captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the sardarji. Captain told: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: "Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, March 24, 2008
Doctor Jokes
Student Doctor: There's something written on the patient's foot . What is that?
Doctor: Oh, that is a footnote.
---
Receptionist: Don't worry, the doctor will cure you in few hours.
Patient: I am his patient for years' now.
---
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Medicine Related Jokes - Doctors
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
---
Friday, March 14, 2008
March Jokes!!
I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you manage all of these?" sympothised his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
---
Man 1: Why are wives more dangerous than Mafia?
Man 2: Mafia wants either your money or your life but wife wants BOTH!
---
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manges to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area. "This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, while pouring a bag of dirt over the lounger floor. He said, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself."
The lady said, do you want ketchup on it?", "we're not connected for electricity yet."
---
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
---
Z-Man sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
---
A Z-Man and an A-Man are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The A-Man asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Z-Man, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The A-Man persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The A-Man, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Z-Man's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The A-Man asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Z-Man doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the A-man. "Okay," says the A-Man, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The A-man, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the eLibrary ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Z-Man and hands him $500. The Z-Man thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The A-Man, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Z-Man and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Z-Man reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
---
Z-Man: I wnat pink curtains for my Computer screen.
Salesman: But computers do not need curtains.
Z-Man: Hare yaar, I have installed windows.
---
Husband: Did you have any lover before our marriage?
Wife: Remins silenet....
Husband: What is the meaning for this silence?
Wife: Don't disturb me while counting....
---
The Z-man was filling an application for the job. He filled his first name, last name, date of birth, and in the column "sex" he filled "thrice a week."
---
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
---
Thursday, March 13, 2008
School, Students Related Jokes
Teacher: Five bird are on the tree and the hunter shoots two of them. How many birds will be there in the tree?
Student: No, it is not possible to shoot two birds at one time.
Teacher: It is for mathematics purpose..anyway, let us assume that he shoots one.
Student: There will be no birds left in the tree.
Teacher: How come? When he shoots one of the five, there should be four remaining!!!
Student: No, the balance would have left by the time he shot the first one!
Student: Will give them one each and cut the balance equally.
Teacher: The condition is that the apple should not be cut.
Student: Well then, I will make Apple Juice with the three apples and give them one glass each!
Student: No, it is not possible to shoot two birds at one time.
Teacher: It is for mathematics purpose..anyway, let us assume that he shoots one.
Student: There will be no birds left in the tree.
Teacher: How come? When he shoots one of the five, there should be four remaining!!!
Student: No, the balance would have left by the time he shot the first one!
---
Teacher: There are two people in the house and you have three apple. How would you split it?Student: Will give them one each and cut the balance equally.
Teacher: The condition is that the apple should not be cut.
Student: Well then, I will make Apple Juice with the three apples and give them one glass each!
---
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Family Related (Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter...) Jokes
A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS." The wife answered "G.O.O.D."
====================================================================
====================================================================
Job Jokes
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I am the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
====================================================================
A man called an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute...."
The man said, "Thank you," and hung up.
====================================================================
Supervisor called a secretary to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Ms. Jane, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."
====================================================================
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
====================================================================
A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six mles; the next day three miles; following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied, "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
====================================================================\
"Do you believe in life after death?" the bo asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
====================================================================
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing t work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
==================================================================== An applicant was filling out a job application form. The question was "Have you ever been arrested?" The applicant answered "No."
The next question was "Why?" intended for people answered "Yes" to the previous question, the applicant answered "Never got caught."
====================================================================
Reaching the end of the interview, the HR asked the candidate who his fresh out of college, his expectations on the package. The candidate said, "$100,000 pa."
The HR guy said, "Well, what about the package of 5-weeks vacation, 10 paid holidays, full medical and dental reimbursments, retirement fund, a company leased car, fully furnished apartment?"
The candidate said, "interesting and flattering, but I think you must be joking!"
The HR guy said, "Well, you started it first."
==================================================================== Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
==================================================================== HelpLine: Auto Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
HelpLine: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?
====================================================================
Applicant: I am the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
====================================================================
A man called an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute...."
The man said, "Thank you," and hung up.
====================================================================
Supervisor called a secretary to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Ms. Jane, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."
====================================================================
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
====================================================================
A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six mles; the next day three miles; following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied, "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
====================================================================\
"Do you believe in life after death?" the bo asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
====================================================================
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing t work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
==================================================================== An applicant was filling out a job application form. The question was "Have you ever been arrested?" The applicant answered "No."
The next question was "Why?" intended for people answered "Yes" to the previous question, the applicant answered "Never got caught."
====================================================================
Reaching the end of the interview, the HR asked the candidate who his fresh out of college, his expectations on the package. The candidate said, "$100,000 pa."
The HR guy said, "Well, what about the package of 5-weeks vacation, 10 paid holidays, full medical and dental reimbursments, retirement fund, a company leased car, fully furnished apartment?"
The candidate said, "interesting and flattering, but I think you must be joking!"
The HR guy said, "Well, you started it first."
==================================================================== Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
==================================================================== HelpLine: Auto Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
HelpLine: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?
====================================================================
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Sardarji (Indian) Jokes
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw a lion coming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The lion came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass time why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, why did you do that?" Banta told "Yaar first four songs were from side A and the other four were from side B"
======================================================================
Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!
======================================================================
Banta singh was telling his friend, "yesterday my wife and I had a terrible quarrle. I wanted to go to the club and she wanted to go to the movies." Which film did u c??? asked his friend.
======================================================================
Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
======================================================================
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun (If the train comes late, I will die because of hunger)"
======================================================================
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now, as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked Banta Singh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said, "look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh. I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage, "and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied, "then you will get two tunnels in same cost."
======================================================================
Q: How would you keep the Z-Man busy?
A: Give him a sheet of paper return at the bottom of "PTO" (Page turn over)
======================================================================
Three Z-man were talking at the 50th floor of their office building. the first Z-man said, for the past 3 months, my wife is giving me Bread and Jam for lunch and I am sick of it. If she packs the same menu tomorrow, I will jump from here. The second Z-man said, my wife has been preparing noodles for the past 2 months and I am sick of it too. If she sends me the noodles tomorrow, I will also jump from the 50th floor. The third Z-man said, for the past 3 months, I am eating burger and frieds and I am too sick of it. If I get the same burger and fries tomorrow, I will jump and die. The next day, the first Z-man opens his lunch box and finds Bread and Jam, got irritated, jumped and died. The second Z-man opens his lunch box, finds noodles, jumps from 50th floor and dies. The third Z-man also finds the same menu and dies. The wife of the three men talk and the wife of first two men say that they are not aware of the issue and they would have changed if their husband had told them about it. The third Z-man's wife said she was not sure why he died becuase he only packs his lunch!
====================================================================
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
====================================================================
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
====================================================================
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE
====================================================================
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa (mother of four kids)'. One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap (father of two kids)'. That ended the husband's witticisms.
====================================================================
======================================================================
Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!
======================================================================
Banta singh was telling his friend, "yesterday my wife and I had a terrible quarrle. I wanted to go to the club and she wanted to go to the movies." Which film did u c??? asked his friend.
======================================================================
Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
======================================================================
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun (If the train comes late, I will die because of hunger)"
======================================================================
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now, as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked Banta Singh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said, "look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh. I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage, "and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied, "then you will get two tunnels in same cost."
======================================================================
Q: How would you keep the Z-Man busy?
A: Give him a sheet of paper return at the bottom of "PTO" (Page turn over)
======================================================================
Three Z-man were talking at the 50th floor of their office building. the first Z-man said, for the past 3 months, my wife is giving me Bread and Jam for lunch and I am sick of it. If she packs the same menu tomorrow, I will jump from here. The second Z-man said, my wife has been preparing noodles for the past 2 months and I am sick of it too. If she sends me the noodles tomorrow, I will also jump from the 50th floor. The third Z-man said, for the past 3 months, I am eating burger and frieds and I am too sick of it. If I get the same burger and fries tomorrow, I will jump and die. The next day, the first Z-man opens his lunch box and finds Bread and Jam, got irritated, jumped and died. The second Z-man opens his lunch box, finds noodles, jumps from 50th floor and dies. The third Z-man also finds the same menu and dies. The wife of the three men talk and the wife of first two men say that they are not aware of the issue and they would have changed if their husband had told them about it. The third Z-man's wife said she was not sure why he died becuase he only packs his lunch!
====================================================================
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
====================================================================
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
====================================================================
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE
====================================================================
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa (mother of four kids)'. One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap (father of two kids)'. That ended the husband's witticisms.
====================================================================
Sports Jokes
Commentary: India won the toss and elected to lose wickets :-)
=====================================================================
Q. Any Guesses which is Ponting's favorite movie?
A. Gone in 60 seconds.
=====================================================================
Bret Lee admits Ponting is faster and quicker than him. "I haven't seen any one get out so fast. Man, I envy his speed. I am quick but he is quickest.", he says. "I think I should now cut my run up short when I bowl to him. Or else, he might be gone when I am half way thru my run up."
=====================================================================
=====================================================================
Q. Any Guesses which is Ponting's favorite movie?
A. Gone in 60 seconds.
=====================================================================
Bret Lee admits Ponting is faster and quicker than him. "I haven't seen any one get out so fast. Man, I envy his speed. I am quick but he is quickest.", he says. "I think I should now cut my run up short when I bowl to him. Or else, he might be gone when I am half way thru my run up."
=====================================================================
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)