Logical Jokes?

Few logical jokes here. Find out if you can find an answer for them!!!

You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate!! What a revelation????

You can expect a bus in the bus stand but not a full from a full stop. (Full should be treated as a full glass of liquor)

You can be a billionair, but to catch a train you have to come to a platform. (In India, we call a person who is in good position in the society and if he has not been doing good now, we say, he has come to the platform).

You can have AIRTEL, AIRCEL or BSNL connection, but when you sneez, you have to say "HUTCH" (Airtel, Aircel, BSNL, Hutch now Vodofone are telecome service providers)

You can bcome an engineer if you study in an engineering college. But, you cannot bcom a president if you study in Presidency College. (Chennai, India has a Presidency College)

You can find keys in Keyboard but you cannot find mother in motherboard!!!

Medicine Related Jokes - Doctors

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.

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March Jokes!!

I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you manage all of these?" sympothised his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

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Man 1: Why are wives more dangerous than Mafia?

Man 2: Mafia wants either your money or your life but wife wants BOTH!

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A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manges to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area. "This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, while pouring a bag of dirt over the lounger floor. He said, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself."

The lady said, do you want ketchup on it?", "we're not connected for electricity yet."

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Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

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Z-Man sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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A Z-Man and an A-Man are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The A-Man asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Z-Man, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The A-Man persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The A-Man, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Z-Man's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The A-Man asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Z-Man doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the A-man. "Okay," says the A-Man, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The A-man, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the eLibrary ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Z-Man and hands him $500. The Z-Man thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The A-Man, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Z-Man and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Z-Man reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.

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Z-Man: I wnat pink curtains for my Computer screen.

Salesman: But computers do not need curtains.

Z-Man: Hare yaar, I have installed windows.

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Husband: Did you have any lover before our marriage?

Wife: Remins silenet....

Husband: What is the meaning for this silence?

Wife: Don't disturb me while counting....

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The Z-man was filling an application for the job. He filled his first name, last name, date of birth, and in the column "sex" he filled "thrice a week."

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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

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School, Students Related Jokes

Teacher: Five bird are on the tree and the hunter shoots two of them. How many birds will be there in the tree?
Student: No, it is not possible to shoot two birds at one time.
Teacher: It is for mathematics purpose..anyway, let us assume that he shoots one.
Student: There will be no birds left in the tree.
Teacher: How come? When he shoots one of the five, there should be four remaining!!!
Student: No, the balance would have left by the time he shot the first one!

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Teacher: There are two people in the house and you have three apple. How would you split it?
Student: Will give them one each and cut the balance equally.
Teacher: The condition is that the apple should not be cut.
Student: Well then, I will make Apple Juice with the three apples and give them one glass each!

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Sardarji (Indian) Jokes

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw a lion coming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The lion came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass time why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, why did you do that?" Banta told "Yaar first four songs were from side A and the other four were from side B"
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Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!
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Banta singh was telling his friend, "yesterday my wife and I had a terrible quarrle. I wanted to go to the club and she wanted to go to the movies." Which film did u c??? asked his friend.
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Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun (If the train comes late, I will die because of hunger)"
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Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now, as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked Banta Singh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said, "look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh. I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage, "and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied, "then you will get two tunnels in same cost."
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Q: How would you keep the Z-Man busy?
A: Give him a sheet of paper return at the bottom of "PTO" (Page turn over)
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Three Z-man were talking at the 50th floor of their office building. the first Z-man said, for the past 3 months, my wife is giving me Bread and Jam for lunch and I am sick of it. If she packs the same menu tomorrow, I will jump from here. The second Z-man said, my wife has been preparing noodles for the past 2 months and I am sick of it too. If she sends me the noodles tomorrow, I will also jump from the 50th floor. The third Z-man said, for the past 3 months, I am eating burger and frieds and I am too sick of it. If I get the same burger and fries tomorrow, I will jump and die. The next day, the first Z-man opens his lunch box and finds Bread and Jam, got irritated, jumped and died. The second Z-man opens his lunch box, finds noodles, jumps from 50th floor and dies. The third Z-man also finds the same menu and dies. The wife of the three men talk and the wife of first two men say that they are not aware of the issue and they would have changed if their husband had told them about it. The third Z-man's wife said she was not sure why he died becuase he only packs his lunch!
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A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
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Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE
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A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa (mother of four kids)'. One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap (father of two kids)'. That ended the husband's witticisms.
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