Job Jokes

Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I am the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
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A man called an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute...."
The man said, "Thank you," and hung up.
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Supervisor called a secretary to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Ms. Jane, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."
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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
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A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six mles; the next day three miles; following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied, "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
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"Do you believe in life after death?" the bo asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing t work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
==================================================================== An applicant was filling out a job application form. The question was "Have you ever been arrested?" The applicant answered "No."
The next question was "Why?" intended for people answered "Yes" to the previous question, the applicant answered "Never got caught."
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Reaching the end of the interview, the HR asked the candidate who his fresh out of college, his expectations on the package. The candidate said, "$100,000 pa."
The HR guy said, "Well, what about the package of 5-weeks vacation, 10 paid holidays, full medical and dental reimbursments, retirement fund, a company leased car, fully furnished apartment?"
The candidate said, "interesting and flattering, but I think you must be joking!"
The HR guy said, "Well, you started it first."
==================================================================== Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
==================================================================== HelpLine: Auto Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
HelpLine: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?
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