I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you manage all of these?" sympothised his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
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Man 1: Why are wives more dangerous than Mafia?
Man 2: Mafia wants either your money or your life but wife wants BOTH!
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A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manges to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area. "This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, while pouring a bag of dirt over the lounger floor. He said, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself."
The lady said, do you want ketchup on it?", "we're not connected for electricity yet."
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Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
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Z-Man sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
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A Z-Man and an A-Man are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The A-Man asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Z-Man, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The A-Man persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The A-Man, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Z-Man's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The A-Man asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Z-Man doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the A-man. "Okay," says the A-Man, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The A-man, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the eLibrary ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Z-Man and hands him $500. The Z-Man thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The A-Man, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Z-Man and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Z-Man reaches into his purse, hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep.
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Z-Man: I wnat pink curtains for my Computer screen.
Salesman: But computers do not need curtains.
Z-Man: Hare yaar, I have installed windows.
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Husband: Did you have any lover before our marriage?
Wife: Remins silenet....
Husband: What is the meaning for this silence?
Wife: Don't disturb me while counting....
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The Z-man was filling an application for the job. He filled his first name, last name, date of birth, and in the column "sex" he filled "thrice a week."
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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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