Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.
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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
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Question: What is the full form of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students.
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Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday
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Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?'
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'
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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
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Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
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Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Computer Related Joke - Husband and Wife in Helpdesk!
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Logical Jokes?
Few logical jokes here. Find out if you can find an answer for them!!!
You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate!! What a revelation????
You can expect a bus in the bus stand but not a full from a full stop. (Full should be treated as a full glass of liquor)
You can be a billionair, but to catch a train you have to come to a platform. (In India, we call a person who is in good position in the society and if he has not been doing good now, we say, he has come to the platform).
You can have AIRTEL, AIRCEL or BSNL connection, but when you sneez, you have to say "HUTCH" (Airtel, Aircel, BSNL, Hutch now Vodofone are telecome service providers)
You can bcome an engineer if you study in an engineering college. But, you cannot bcom a president if you study in Presidency College. (Chennai, India has a Presidency College)
You can find keys in Keyboard but you cannot find mother in motherboard!!!
You can study and get any certificates. But you cannot get your death certificate!! What a revelation????
You can expect a bus in the bus stand but not a full from a full stop. (Full should be treated as a full glass of liquor)
You can be a billionair, but to catch a train you have to come to a platform. (In India, we call a person who is in good position in the society and if he has not been doing good now, we say, he has come to the platform).
You can have AIRTEL, AIRCEL or BSNL connection, but when you sneez, you have to say "HUTCH" (Airtel, Aircel, BSNL, Hutch now Vodofone are telecome service providers)
You can bcome an engineer if you study in an engineering college. But, you cannot bcom a president if you study in Presidency College. (Chennai, India has a Presidency College)
You can find keys in Keyboard but you cannot find mother in motherboard!!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
New Sardarji Jokes
Santa decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Santaji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
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One Sardu was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the assistant captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the sardarji. Captain told: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: "Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rajiv: Santaji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardu was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the assistant captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the sardarji. Captain told: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: "Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, March 24, 2008
Doctor Jokes
Student Doctor: There's something written on the patient's foot . What is that?
Doctor: Oh, that is a footnote.
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Receptionist: Don't worry, the doctor will cure you in few hours.
Patient: I am his patient for years' now.
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Sunday, March 16, 2008
Medicine Related Jokes - Doctors
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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